SEVEN CONSIDERATIONS FOR BUILDING EXTENDED FAMILY

SEVEN CONSIDERATIONS FOR BUILDING EXTENDED FAMILY

As a student of African culture, and one who is in the process of building an Extended Family, me and prospective wives have agreed to several value oriented and principled considerations:

1. The first wife, and each wife after must agree to adding another, and should be involved in the decision of who the additional wife should be. This is empowering to the women and shows them the respect they deserve. Women must have equal weight in the decision making process of any and all family matters, and consensus must be a part of this process.

2. The wives must commit to becoming friends and sisters to one another, to reduce any need for any one or more to compete with the other. The value we strive for is cooperation in order for all to receive the benefits of living in a collective family unit, striving for common and mutual goal, objectives and aspirations. A key goal in this family concept is to build a strong support system for the family, and to instill this spirit and practice in community and nation building.

3. Each one in the family must have a defined role and function in the family. In my family concept, one wife would be responsible for the Home and House management. This may also involve caring for a garden, to grow our own food. Another will manage affairs of the children, though all are responsible for parenting. Another will work part time as she is a Computer Engineer, and would also work with me in taking care of Family Business Affairs. As husband, I will take on responsibility for the main sustenance of the family, though anyone is free to pursue carreer goals as practical for themselves and/or the family.

4. There is no hierarchy among the children, and each adult is parent to all of the children, thus providing multiple role models. The children not only belong to the family but also the community where values are shared.

5. All revenues coming in to the family go into a pool or joint account to pay all family bills. The residual revenue is divided equally and goes into a Trust Account for each family member. If one chooses to leave, they take their trust with them. We also have a family trust and designate how assets are allocated in event of early transition of any family member, to avoid any probate issues.
6. The family as a unit seeks to build a support system around the family which shares values and/or practices which serves to re-enforce Extended FAmily principles and ethics, and values. Since we live in a society where legally, one can only be married to one mate, a contract for each wife will be initiated for each wife, equivilant to a marriage certificate. However, marriage is still recognized in the cultural and Spiritual context of Ma'at and the Nguzo Saba.

7. The family must engage in liberational projects as the family is an example of how our cultural nation should function, thus, building communal and collective institutions which are people focused, rather than profit motivated. As an extended family, practicing cooperative economics and communal living, these concepts can be transferred to the building of a larger community, and in fact, the Nation Building process. In this conceptual framework, the family becomes a liberational project in itself. Thus, the family incorporates the Spirtual values of Ma'at as Truth, Justice, Balance, Harmony, Order, Propriety and Reciprocity and the Secular Principles of Unity, Self Determination, Collective Work and Responsibity, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity and Ethos.

The conceptual basis for the considerations above, is that Extended Family is first for the Empowerment of Women, not the whims, greed or desires of men; EF is a social institution which primary purpose it to rebuild the strength of the Black Family; EF is an economic unit which re-enforces the concept of Community and Cooperative Economics; EF is a liberational project which contributes to Nation Building in the Global Pan African context. In a collective context, these values are easily transferred from the family to community, Nation and Global Community.

If we are to consider a serious discussion of Polygamy as a legitimate Family Form in the Pan African Community, we should look first, at its history, and second, what are some of the positives if certain standards are applied. Historically, before the Era of European domination, 3/4 of the world practiced Polygamy in North and South America, Africa, Asia and many of the Islands. With the rise of Mercantilism, the Roman Catholic Church and the Puritans sought dominance in the social realm. In order to do this, they had to break up the social bonds which resulted from Polygamy, by imposing monogamy on their colonized captives around the world. Monogamy broke up social, economic and political bonds which had existed in these communities for centuries


If we accept the above as true, then let's look at some of the benefits polygamy offers. First, it should never be about the benefits which accrue to men. The real benefit and value are those which accrue to women. Second, it allows women to build a Sisterhood based in the family, rather than setting up competition for men, which we find in the monogamous world. Third, with a Sisterhood in place, it allows for a fair division of labor in terms of the many tasks expected of wives in a marriage, i.e. managing the kids, managing the household, cooking, managing the social calendar, as well as being a loving wife. Fourth, Because of the collective nature of polygamy it affords compatibility with a Communal economic system and Collective Decision making in the political realm. Fifth, it allows for multiple role models for children, which leads to the Sixth, a single mother can come into an extended family without necessarily having a sexual relationship with the man, while still having a support structure and family for the raising of her children. And Seventh, all of the above lend themselves to Community and Nation Building as a collective and communitarian endeavor.

THE VALUE DIMENSIONS OF LOVE MAKING

Upendo wa Kiroho is Swahili for Spiritual Love and the African version of Tantra, which actually had beginnings in Ancient Kemet. Upendo wa Kiroho is based on the concept of two spirits meeting, mingling and merging together in oneness while embarking on a Journey together to destinations unknown, but which elevate the spirit, allowing them to ascend toward a righteous togetherness. Love-making is the highest form of spiritual unity in the human realm. It allows us to unite with and traverse the universe. This is what it is in its highest form and expression. Upendo wa Kiroho is defined by Self Mastery of speech, thought, conduct and emotion. It is this self mastery which connects us with the Divine within our Spirit. Self mastery is more concretely expressed by developing the capacity to get into your mate or lovers head and heart, in meaningful ways. Upendo can be expressed in a myriad of ways, from hugging, caressing, bathing, massage, foot rubs, kissing, or Sacred gazing. We have come to bring a new way of living and loving in accord with the virtues of Ma'at. When we say we want/wish to do Ma'at, it means we seek to enter into a Sacred Union, allowing our Temples to Worship together in Universal Love. This is the lesson of our Ancestors. Ase'